


For Want of a Nail Polish

by IndulgentGayWriter



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, I suppose, but the game doesn't explore what I'm interested in as much as I'd like, can be read as platonic or romantic, so i'm doing it myself, their friendship is interesting to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndulgentGayWriter/pseuds/IndulgentGayWriter
Summary: “In the end, it felt like Lisa was turning something that Yukina had intended as an expression of gratitude for all the things Lisa did for her….into something else that Lisa was doing for her.”Lisa does Yukina’s nails. Yukina has mixed feelings about it. Inspired by the card story in: https://bestdori.com/tool/storyviewer/card/en/710/1/A-Gift-for-You
Relationships: Imai Lisa & Minato Yukina
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	For Want of a Nail Polish

Yukina stared at the crimson nail polish glistening wetly on her left hand. The only sound in the room was the steady whine of the air conditioner and Lisa’s cheerful humming as she bent over Yukina’s right hand, steadily dyeing her nails the color of blood. There had to be some sort of symbolism there, but Yukina was more concentrated on trying to put the amorphous blob of discontentment she felt about what was happening into words.

This wasn’t exactly what she had intended when she had gifted Lisa with a manicure set from the mall. In addition to showing her gratitude generally, Yukina had hoped to show Lisa that she could be a devoted member of Roselia without completely altering the person she was and sacrificing the things she enjoyed in the process. Lisa had always seemed to take pride in the state of her nails and her appearance more generally, and while she was pleased that Lisa was taking Roselia seriously, this reversal just seemed…

Again, she couldn’t find the words to properly describe her emotions. It was right to prioritize Roselia, of course, but something still felt wrong. She shifted slightly on the bed, mattress creaking.

“Yukina, stay still! Almost done~” 

The worst thing was, Lisa’s explanations made sense. They always did. Of course it wasn’t logical for Lisa to use nail polish when her bass strings would just cause it to chip. Yukina supposed that her gift made more sense symbolically than practically. And of course Yukina didn’t have that problem, so it only made sense for Yukina’s nails to be done up instead. And Lisa had been so excited at the chance to do them; she had spent a solid five minutes at the mall holding up different colors to Yukina’s hands to find the perfect match for her skin tone and aesthetic. But still, something felt off.

In the end, it felt like Lisa was turning something that Yukina had intended as an expression of gratitude for all the things Lisa did for her….into something else that Lisa was doing for her. 

Ah. So that was it. 

Yukina’s discontentment, now put into words, solidified into something heavy at the bottom of her gut. But Lisa seemed so happy. What should she do? Maybe…

The shadow of an idea drifted into her head and settled there. She glanced down at Lisa’s bare feet. It was summer, so whenever she wasn’t at school or band practice, where closed-toes shoes were a necessity, Lisa wore an assortment of sandals. Maybe her present could still be useful after all?

“Lisa-” she began.

“All done~!” Lisa said at the same time, beaming as she turned Yukina’s hand this way and that, looking at it from every angle to make sure it met her standards. “And I haven’t lost my touch! What do you think, Yukina?” 

“It looks fine. But, Lisa-”

“C’mon, Yukina, it doesn’t just look _fine_! You have such pretty hands, you know, they deserve to be in the spotlight!” 

Yukina flushed and weakly attempted to pull her hand from Lisa’s grasp.

“Uh-uh, not yet! I don’t want such beautiful work to smudge,” Lisa said, catching Yukina’s other hand and bringing them both to her face, where she began to blow cool air onto the glistening polish. 

“I can do that myself, you know,” Yukina said.

“Mhm,” Lisa responded absently, still blowing. Yukina sighed, then remembered her original purpose.

“Lisa, now that mine are done, how about I paint your toenails for you?” The cool air stopped, and Yukina continued, “I mean, I meant for the gift to be for you, so.” She waited, expectant. 

Lisa lowered their joined hands and chuckled. “That’s sweet, Yukina, but it really isn’t necessary.”

Yukina frowned. Maybe she needed to be clearer. “But I want to do this for you.”

“C’mon, Yukina, we both know you’ve never painted nails before. And besides, I had fun!”

“It doesn’t seem that difficult.”

Lisa sighed, getting up from the desk chair she had been sitting at across from Yukina, and plopped down onto the mattress next to her friend instead. Her bare arm brushed against the fabric of Yukina’s long white sleeve.

“What’s this really about, Yukina?” Her face, serious for only a flicker of a beat, curled into a smirk. “Do you want to match? Awwww, you could have just said so, y’know.”

“It’s not about matching,” Yukina said, studying her hands, fingers splayed out across her black skirt. The polish was almost dry. She looked back up, trying to catch Lisa’s eye. “It’s that you’re always doing things for me. I want to do things for you sometimes, too. Isn’t that only fair?”

“Haven’t we gone over this before?” Lisa was still smiling. Always smiling. “I do things for you because I enjoy it - it makes me happy when I feel useful, or see you smile! I don’t keep score or anything,” she chuckled again, softly, and leaned sideways, nudging into Yukina’s shoulder with her own. “This is a friendship, not a competition.”

Yukina thought about accepting Lisa’s words at face-value, as she usually did. But the sense of unfairness was a smoldering spark inside of her, refusing to die down. So instead she responded, voice as even as ever. 

“And do you think that I don’t enjoy making you smile, or seeing you happy? How selfish do you think I am?” 

Even as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She and Lisa both knew perfectly well just how selfish of a person Yukina was. After all, would someone who wasn’t selfish bring pain to her father’s eyes by continuing on with music even after he was forced out of the industry? Would someone who wasn’t selfish sacrifice a childhood friendship to her musical altar? Would someone who wasn’t selfish take out her personal issues on her bandmates and yell at them? 

Selfishness was practically her defining feature, she thought darkly. But before she could retract her question, Lisa had already shuffled a little, creating a sliver of space between their bodies. 

“I don’t think you’re selfish, Yukina.” Well, that made one of them. “It’s just, I don’t think it’s the same.” 

How helpful.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I guess, that I think we have different needs. And that’s okay!” 

Enlightening. As far as Yukina was aware they were both humans, and therefore had identical sets of needs. She said as much to her friend.

“That’s not what I meant!” Lisa said, dramatically collapsing backwards onto the bed. Her head almost hit the wall behind them while her legs continued to dangle from the edge. She lay still for a moment, and Yukina was content to let a comforting silence envelop them while Lisa sorted out her thoughts.

A chorus of buzzing cicadas from outside joined the thrum of the air conditioner as the silence stretched, and Yukina glanced back at Lisa. She was still smiling, but an arm was flung over her eyes, obscuring Yukina’s view. Apparently she wasn’t going to speak on her own initiative.

Facing forward, Yukina did so instead. “Please speak plainly. Why is your wanting to help me out and do things for me different from my wanting to do the same for you?”

There was another moment of silence. “It does make me happy when you think of me, or do something special for me, you know,” Lisa said. Yukina remained silent. “You’re really not gonna let this go, are you,” she continued, voice sounding almost wistful.

“No.”

“Fine, then. I just feel like you, you know, live for music. That’s what you really need in life, what really drives you. And don’t get me wrong - I love music too, I really do! But what drives me even more than music is helping people out. That’s my purpose in life, really, what I love to do,” her voice grew softer, at the end, meditative. “So when you try to push my help away, or do things for me instead, it’s kinda like-”

“Like you writing music for Roselia?” Yukina asked, tone mild.

“Ha ha, very funny, Yukina. I just meant that it makes me feel a little purposeless, you know? Like, helping you - and Roselia - is what I can bring to the table, that’s my strong point! I mean, that’s the whole reason the band is still together, and that we’re still friends, isn’t it?”

Yukina had no idea how to respond. The idea that Lisa believed they were only friends because Lisa did things for her was repugnant. Was that really what she thought of their friendship? 

And as to the rest...everything in Yukina, all of her passion and ideals, was telling her that Lisa was wrong. How could ‘helping other people’ be someone’s driving purpose in life? What were Lisa’s own passions, her ultimate desires? Yukina couldn’t fathom the idea of devoting her life solely to helping someone else achieve their dreams; the very thought repelled her. What was the point? 

Sure, all of the members of Roselia helped each other out, which she now understood was a good thing. But they had a mutually beneficial relationship where their cooperation pushed each of them to reach for their individual dreams in addition to those of the band of the whole. Except for Lisa, apparently.

But maybe that was her selfishness talking. Lisa seemed happy enough. And even Yukina realized that calling Lisa’s ‘purpose in life’ wrong and pointless would probably not be very useful. At the same time, though, she didn’t want to coddle Lisa or lie about her opinion.

Part of her wished that someone else could take her place for this conversation - someone who was better with words, who could understand where Lisa was coming from, who wouldn’t cause a misunderstanding. A deeper part of her wished she was that someone. But she was only herself, so all she could do was try, and hope Lisa would understand.

She turned back to look at her friend, who was still lying down in the same position, and tentatively reached to cover Lisa’s hand with one of her own. Lisa’s other arm lifted from her face as she glanced over, startled by the touch. Lisa had always been a physical communicator, connecting with hugs and hair ruffles and intertwined fingers. Another thing she didn’t understand.

“Living your life to support other people isn’t healthy, Lisa.”

Lisa turned back away, her mouth carved into a smile, and let out a weak chuckle. “I know, it’s kind of silly, especially when someone like you - “

“But it is your life, I suppose,” she interrupted, not wanting to be derailed. “As to your last point, I hope you know that it isn’t true.” She squeezed Lisa’s hand gently, for emphasis. “I am close to you for you, not for what you do for me.”

Lisa’s hand pulled away from under hers, and Yukina’s aborted attempt to reconnect them did nothing but leave a crimson smear on Lisa’s thumb. She swallowed an apology, like an ember down her throat, as Lisa responded. 

“You say that, but we only got close again because I joined Roselia, which was originally for you, to help you out,” she said. Yukina’s empty hand clenched into a fist as she searched for, and failed to find, a refutation. “If not for that, would we even still be friends?” Lisa let out a sound, halfway between a chuckle and a sob. “Sorry, Yukina, that wasn’t very fair of me.”

While it may have been unfair, Yukina couldn’t say that it was inaccurate. Before Roselia, she had a lingering attachment to Lisa, and considered her to be her only friend. But she certainly hadn’t taken any initiative to keep the friendship going. Left to Yukina’s own devices, their friendship would have withered on the vine and she would have let it. She might have even been grateful, as Lisa would no longer be an insistent intrusion into her musical focus and newly-formed band. 

Yukina laid down next to Lisa, slowly, taking care not to wrinkle her shirt. _Would we be friends if Lisa wasn’t in Roselia?_ She pondered the painful thought, trying to find the answers in the off-white ceiling above her as she pretended not to hear the muffled hiccups beside her. She didn’t know the answer. 

“We were in different places, then, Lisa. I was a different person,” was the only response Yukina could give without lying. 

Even as Lisa let out a slightly watery “I know, Yukina,” she wondered if it was the complete truth. If Lisa were to decide to quit Roselia today, she would react differently than she had in the past, right? She shied away from the hypothetical, then returned to it, like a child picking at a scab. What would she do? How would she feel? But Lisa would never do that to Roselia, right? She wouldn’t betray them like that...

She mentally shook herself. What-ifs were useless. What mattered now was correcting Lisa’s misconceptions. She reached sideways along the mattress, blindly, until her fingers grazed warm skin. 

“I don’t regret my devotion to singing, to music. But Lisa,” she followed the skin downwards until she reached Lisa’s hand, then squeezed. Probably too hard if Lisa’s slight yelp was to go by, but this was important. Lisa needed to understand, to believe her. “I am sorry for making you feel like our friendship was your responsibility - like I had no real interest in you or your life. I care, truly, about you as a person. Not just as my bassist.”

The air conditioner had shut off, and Yukina listened to the sound of Lisa’s uneven breathing until, eventually, it levelled off. 

“Thanks, Yukina, I know you do,” Lisa said. Then, seeming to have regained her energy, she popped up, dragging Yukina with her by their still-connected hands.

“Be careful,” Yukina grumbled, letting go of Lisa and rubbing her shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry,” Lisa said, sounding more cheerful than apologetic. “Oh no!” Yukina looked up in alarm, only for Lisa to grab her right hand with an expression of exaggerated horror. “My perfect painting, it’s been ruined!” Lisa exclaimed. 

Yukina glanced down and, indeed, the paint had smudged. She remembered now. This is what she got for trying to communicate with touch, she supposed. 

“It’s not a big deal, Lisa.”

“I know, it’ll just be a little annoying to redo,” she said, back to Yukina as she pawed through her bag of supplies.

“You already spent so much time on them, Lisa, you don’t need to redo them now,” Yukina said. Had Lisa already forgotten the conversation that they had just had? 

“I know, but it would honestly bother me if I didn’t,” Lisa said, holding up a bottle of nail polish remover triumphantly. She turned back to Yukina, still sitting on the bed, and extended a hand to her. “And after that, I guess, I can show you the proper technique for painting my toes?”

Yukina smiled, just a hair, and accepted the hand. It was a step, she supposed. “I would like that.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I actually really like many aspects of Lisa and Yukina’s relationship. But I feel like there was(/is?) a lot of insecurity bubbling just under its surface, especially on Lisa’s end, that was sort of hand-waved away as time went by rather than actually resolved. This was my attempt at digging into that, just a little; this conversation by itself certainly wouldn’t resolve everything. Also please note that Yukina as a narrator is unreliable as hell.
> 
> It’s kind of hard for me to write this conversation with these characters because I feel like Lisa would deflect/avoid such a conversation as much as humanly possible, and Yukina wouldn’t bring it up because she can be kind of oblivious and emotionally stunted. But when I read the linked card story above, while I found it cute and was impressed by how far Yukina’s come, I was left frustrated by the way it ended. This frustration led to the seed of an idea which turned into this story. I hope you enjoyed my take, and please let me know what you think!


End file.
